I did it! I reached out and allowed someone to enter into my world. I shared my deepest secrets and fears with someone who I had never met a day in my life.
This had to have been the scariest thing I had ever done. I sat on the couch. I sat next to the box of Kleenex. I went into the small, comfortable room, and poured my life out to a PSYCHOLOGIST. I often received the infamous nod as I recounted various life situations. Many days were just normal talks that made me reflect and smile. Other days brought tears to my eyes. However, for the most part, I always left feeling like a new person…like I could conquer the world. There was something refreshing about sharing and being understood. I had a homework assignment that I could actually ace and come back to my newfound “friend” who would offer me suggestions and not judge me. I call the psychologist “friend” because everything was confidential. I trusted the psychologist. I knew that when I walked into her room that nothing else mattered. I felt safe sharing any and everything with my “friend”.
During one visit, my new “friend” had become quite comfortable with me. My friend had come to know me as a person, and knew my smile wasn’t real that day. They knew that I was only holding my breath. You see, I am really good at not looking like what I’m going through. I’ve mastered that skill. They call me SUPERWOMAN and have no idea that I’m really a coke bottle waiting to explode. I have a habit of storing my pain and at times blocking it out. Or, in the words of my friend, “I just tap out of reality.”
One of the many ways I’d stored my pain was to cease the waterworks. I no longer saw the point in crying. Often times, I would end up with red, puffy eyes and a headache out of this world. So, I stopped crying. I stopped crying because I felt it was a sign of weakness and vulnerability. I’m sure I have cried enough for all of us with a little to spare for the new generation of criers. So, I gave up on crying! It didn’t solve anything. It had never changed anything, and it certainly did nothing for my situation. So I stored all those tears deep down in my belly and kept doing life. That was until my “friend” gave me a much needed wake up call. They took a coke bottle and shook it up. All of its fizz rattled on the inside of that bottle. It raged with nowhere to go. It was trapped inside of a bottle, just stirring and waiting to EXPLODE. My friend said, “If you don’t let those tears out, this is what will happen to you. You will explode!” I immediately got the picture. My assignment for that day was to release my pain. She allowed me to sit there and just let it all out. One tear led to more tears. One breath led to a series of deep breaths. All that I had been through, every feeling that I’d suppressed… it all came tumbling out. I released it. I let it out. I faced the pain that I had so carefully buried. Eventually, the tears subsided, and my breathing evened. I felt free. For once, I enjoyed crying. And I didn’t feel weak because of it.
You, too, can have that freedom. What is it that you have bottled up inside? What pains are you trying NOT to feel? Storing your pain and hiding it deep inside will not save you from the reality of your situation. I don’t want you in a state of waiting to explode. At least when you are able to acknowledge what you’re really feeling and going through, you can control the flow of your release. You have to learn how to slowly get rid of the waste inside of you. Or you will be just like that shaken bottle of coke. Take a lesson from me. That’s one of the reasons I’m here and writing this…to help someone else. Find a “friend” with whom you can be honest and truthful. It doesn’t have to be a psychologist. Just make sure that you choose someone that you can trust. Pretty soon, you too will be able to…JUST BREATHE!